The casting - Jason Alexander's opening Captain's Log voice-over was a dead on rendition of William Shatner's dulcet Jim Kirk tones. Unfortunately, the rest of his scenes didn't live up to this initial promise. Alexander, a long time fan and one-time performer on Voyager (he played Kurros, a telepath interested in buying Seven of Nine), simply never looked comfortable in the yellow velour and bad toupee that were the hallmark of a classic starship captain.
Discomfort aside, he was the shining light in the ensemble. Jay Johnston was inoffensive as Spock, but that's about all I can say. On the other hand, Dana Gould's interpretation of McCoy was poorly conceived and pathetically executed.
The framing sequence - Kirk, Spock and McCoy (Alexander, Johnston, Gould) travel back in time to 1999 Los Angeles to investigate why the signal that has supplied the universe with an uninterrupted broadcast of the 20th-Century television program Star Trek has mysteriously terminated.
Supposedly, this all has something to do with the Y2K bug, and fan voting for the best single Star Trek episode of all time is involved somewhere too. While attempting to track the Star Trek broadcast signal and save the day, the trio has some "wacky" adventures and looked at some thoughtfully well-categorized clips.
Yep, that's it. This hackneyed Rotary Club talent show castoff was the best idea that writers Robert Cohen and Chris Henchy.
Apparently, that's all someone at Paramount felt Star Trek deserved, which may serve to explain Jason Alexander's apparent discomfort. Perhaps it wasn't that his feet hurt from filling Shatner's boots so much as the fact that he was simply embarrassed at having to spout such insipid dialogue and ashamed to have his name attached to such a dog of a program.
The clips themselves
Those viewers who survived the torturous opening sequence and its various mutations throughout the special were treated to "ultimate" Star Trek moments in a variety of categories.
Given that such lists are always subjective propositions, fans can reasonably (and dare I say, irrationally) argue that key moments, characters and episodes were excluded from the show. Where, for example, was Spock's harp solo?
Taken on their own merits however, the clips in the following categories were for the most part reasonable representations of the best that each Star Trek incarnation had to offer:
Ultimate Time Travel Moments - A brief but effective look at the havoc intrepid Star Trek heroes have wrought in the time stream over the last three decades. A bit top-heavy on the Star Trek IV clips, and a bit short on "City on the Edge of Forever," but all in all a fair and accurate representation.
Ultimate Villains - From Q to Khan to Gul Dukat to Species 8472 to the Borg Queen, this was a celebration of the villains viewers love to hate. From this list, Deep Space Nine's Dukat wins the baddest of the bad on mileage if not style -- he made trouble from the series pilot to its finale.
Ultimate Beauty - For a moment, it seemed that this would be nothing but a parade of James T. Kirk's most glorious conquests, but as the sequence progressed, they managed to select a representative sample of female eye candy from across the broad spectrum of Trek. For all the idealized posturing and the trend toward unisex uniforms, sexism is still alive and well on the Final Frontier.
Ultimate One-Liners - A real misnomer of a category. What flashed across the screen was not a series of one-liners -- sterling examples of the heights of trenchant wit to which Star Trek writers occasionally aspired -- but rather a representative sampling of catch phrases and tag lines, including: "I'm a doctor, not a...," "Make it so," "Resistance is futile" and "Live long and prosper."
When Good Guys Go Bad - The evil Captain Kirk! One of Data's frequent malfunctions! One of Seven of Nine's even more frequent malfunctions! Evil bearded Spock! Locutus!
Ultimate Heroics - A sequence of last minute escapes and daring rescues. A showcase of that which Star Trek heroes do so well, namely, saving the day in 48 minutes, or in the case of the movies, before the closing credits roll.
The Deeper Meaning - Slavery is bad. Racial tolerance is good. Alternative lifestyles should be embraced, not demonized. The ends don't always justify the means. Dreams have lives of their own and can never die. All I ever needed to know about living a politically correct life, I learned from watching Star Trek.
Ultimately Human - The "ultimate Star Trek blooper reel." Although falling short of the insanity of the old convention reels, the goofs and gaffes in this sequence were still funnier than anything Alexander and his sidekicks had to offer throughout the special. Heck, just watching John de Lancie repeatedly trying to say "omnipotence" was funnier than any of the intentional humor in the show.
Our Man Bones - A tribute to the late DeForest Kelley. This sequence highlighted Bones at his best, and even included non-Trek clips from Kelley's early career. As tributes go, this one was appropriate and effective.
Needless to say, writers Robert Cohen and Chris Henchy, elected to introduce this sequence with an ill-considered and overwrought McCoy death scene that added little but bad taste to what should have been a moving tribute.
Ultimate Episode - Fans participating in an online poll through startrek.com were asked to select the Ultimate episode from the following choices representing the best of each series:
Star Trek - "The Trouble with Tribbles"
Star Trek: The Next Generation - "Best of Both Worlds"
Deep Space Nine - "Trials and Tribble-ations"
Voyager - "Scorpion"
In the end, despite their strong showing with two episodes to choose from, the grain-hungry Tribbles lost out to the assimilation-hungry Borg, and "Best of Both Worlds" was named the Ultimate Episode.
In addition to the Ultimate Moments presented in the special, viewers were also treated to so-called "Moments to Remember in Star Trek Lore."
These were scenes from other programs -- many of them featuring obsessive, balding nebbishes -- apparently intended to celebrate the enduring impact of the Star Trek phenomenon in our wider civilization. Unfortunately, it's hard to see how anyone could reasonably imply that a Suddenly Susan episode was a "memorable moment."
Even assuming one could make that leap, including the clip of Susan embarrassed by an obsessive Trek fan who just happens to be an Internet millionaire in a tribute to the fans wasn't merely a case of damning with faint praise, it was downright insulting.
Even more problematic was the Moment to Remember devoted to the Saturday Night Live parody of Star Trek from the late 1970s. While this was a justifiably classic homage to classic Trek, it was an ill-considered choice for this special. In the 30 second clip that was shown, John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd and Chevy Chase recreated Kirk, McCoy and Spock more accurately and effectively than Alexander, Gould and Johnston managed at any point in the show.
Quotable moment
Spock (upon encountering a group of lingerie models [don't ask]): Is it seven years already?
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