You see, I'm taking the Naboo
vote this time around. I hope you do as well. Granted, this will be a write-in
ballot, but a grassroots campaign seems the only thing that I, as a registered
voter of conscience, can do at this point. So I'm writing in Queen
Amidala of Naboo for President of the United States this November 7.
Remember that, despite the
monarchy tag, Naboo's rulers are elected in a democratic fashion. And in
all honesty, Amidala just seems infinitely more qualified to me to run
this country than Al
or George
W.
Next page: compare and
contrast the candidates
~
Just the facts
It's no secret that Al Gore
and George W. Bush were both born to power and privilege. They were raised
in wealthy families and attended Ivy League schools. Their political status
was largely secured by their names.
In contrast, Amidala, according
to the Episode One Visual Dictionary, was "raised by humble parents
in a small mountain village." Her early rise to leader of her people was
only through her intellect and political skills.
She excelled at everything
she did and won the hearts of her people, all on her own merit.
And it shows.
Compare and contrast
* The state of Texas under
George W.'s rule had the worst air pollution of any other state in the
country.
The city of Theed under
Amidala's rule was a beautiful paradise, built of CGI architecture and
boasting many great gardens.
* When journeying to a Buddhist
sacred temple, Al Gore was neither deferential nor respectful, but instead
engaged in illegal fundraising activities. He begged for money even though
his campaign was already raking in millions.
When journeying to the
Gungan Sacred Place, Amidala was deferential and respectful, even prostrating
herself to the Gungan leader Boss Nass. She begged for help so that her
people wouldn't be annihilated.
* By his own admission, George
W. doesn't even know where Kosovo is.
When her planet was invaded,
Amidala made it all the way to Coruscant halfway across the galaxy to appeal
to the Senate.
* At the Democratic Convention
with TV reporters everywhere, Al Gore french-kissed Tipper in a blatant
attempt to win over middle-class suburban housewives who, more likely than
not, would rather be watching Oprah anyway.
When they were all alone
on a starship and no TV reporters were around, Amidala and Anakin expressed
their true feelings for one another, establishing their genuine relationship
in private.
* George W. is pro-gun even
though he didn't show up for duty for an entire year of service in the
National Guard.
Amidala is anti-blaster
even though she will fight to defend her people.
(Not to mention, can you
honestly imagine Al or George W. heroically fighting off battle droids
in the Oval Office the way Amidala did in her throne room? I didn't think
so.)
Next page: points for
rhetoric
~
This section pretty much
speaks for itself.
"My fate will be no different
than that of our people."
-- Queen Amidala
"A zebra cannot change his
spots."
-- Al Gore
"I will not defer. I've come
before you to resolve this attack on our sovereignty now."
-- Queen Amidala
"We must all hear the universal
call to like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself."
-- George W. Bush
"I will not condone a course
of action that will lead us to war."
-- Queen Amidala
"Rarely is the question asked:
Is our children learning?"
-- George W. Bush
"I will take back what's
ours."
-- Queen Amidala
"I decided I just had to
call because you've printed a picture of the Earth upside down on the front
page of the paper."
-- Al Gore
Next page: Natalie Portman,
or a lesson in rallying the electorate
~
Appearance does matter. It
has been said that if Abraham Lincoln had run for president in the television
age, he never would have been elected, what with that big mole and bad
hat. But with her elaborate gowns and regal hairstyles, Amidala would rip
Al, George W., and Lincoln to pieces in the fashion category.
Not to mention her silver
Nubian starship is faster and way cooler than Air Force One.
Amidala is also a commanding
presence in the galactic senate, unlike the Gore/Bush debates which managed
to put most of America to sleep after ten minutes.
Honk if you voted Amidala
Questions of moral character
always abound. Voters could put their mind at ease with Amidala (ultimately,
a fictional character) in the White House.
* Unlike George W., she has
never been accused of using cocaine. I've never even heard of her drinking
any Corellian ale.
* She did lie once, disguising
herself as a handmaiden, but only for her own protection.
* Even as the current president
failed to bring the Palestinians and Israelis together, Amidala united
the Gungans and the Naboo after centuries of resentment.
* Like a kabuki Ralph Nader,
she fights the evil capitalist corporations destroying her people's environment
and way of life -- Al and George W. work for them.
Add all this up and your
choice is pretty clear.
Vote Amidala.
You're only throwing away
your vote if you elect the other guys.
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