There's plenty of alien scum in Dean Wesley Smith's second Men in Black novel -- the first was The Green Saliva Blues -- and the extraterrestrial slime proves to be the highlight of the book.
Unfortunately, the human elements of The Grazer Conspiracy aren't so well handled.
There goes the neighborhood
Grazers are aliens about the size of a cow that look like "a mad scientist's idea of a cross between a grasshopper and a pig." They're among the dumbest beings in space and they adore the taste of Earth plant life.
When someone posing as an human-alien relations specialist or "Man in Black" invites the entire race to Earth, two problems preclude rolling out the red carpet for them.
Not only are the aliens unstoppable eating machines -- given half a chance, they will strip the planet of all its flora -- but they are among the lowest of the low in the galactic community.
As a result, inviting Grazers to Earth offends more highbrow civilizations even though humans are held in even lower esteem.
These races all dispatch fleets to Earth to issue a "rebuke" for this faux pas -- the destruction of the planet and the utter annihilation of the human race.
Agents Jay and Elle must save the day, but what they uncover in the course of their investigation makes the impending destruction of the planet seem like a minor inconvenience.
Mirror mirror on the wall
The biggest challenge in creating licensed fiction is making the characters in the book resemble their on-screen counterparts. To justify the Star Trek, Babylon 5 or MIB label in the eyes of the readers, the characters and situations must be appropriate to the source material.
Smith never quite accomplishes this feat with the Men in Black characters. Agents Jay, Elle and Zed don't call to mind Will Smith, Linda Fiorentino or Rip Torn.
While Smith peppers Jay's dialogue with plenty of wisecracks and one-liners, they seem forced. There's a self-consciousness to novel-Jay's hipness that contradicts the organic coolness of cinematic-Jay.
Smith has the concept down -- as when Jay says things like "Elementary, my dear Ms. Elle" and "It's time to take the gloves off, I'd say" -- but the execution rings a little false.
Only the finest disgusting aliens here
Even though the principal characters aren't quite right, the story is appropriate to the setting. The book's elements of alien invasion, fantastic technology and last-minute heroics are key to the Men in Black's adventures.
Aside from a brief prologue and epilogue, the story's action takes place over 24 hours. This compressed time scale underscores the urgency of the threat the agents face, adding to the book's tension.
Smith also does a good job describing the alien races he invites to the party. Slime, tentacles and outlandish appearances abound.
About the only thing the aliens lack is believably alien personalities. While the other races look different, their actions are motivated by human psychology.
This may represent a conscious choice on Smith's part. Media tie-in books are more about escapism than edification, and accessible aliens make satisfying light entertainment.
"Ready to uninvite a guest?"
If there's anything missing from The Grazer Conspiracy, it's a sense of the larger context. If the MIB do their job well, no one ever knows about it.
However, since the agents themselves understand what's at stake, it would seem that this is a problem with the MIB concept rather than a storytelling deficiency on Smith's part.
Despite its flaws, The Grazer Conspiracy fulfills the promise of the Men In Black setting.
The characters aren't quite there, but readers looking for the movie's world of aliens and detached government agents won't be disappointed.
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